Try to forget love, cause love's forgotten me ...

You've never been so used as I'm using you
Abusing you, my little decoy
Don't look so blue, you should have seen right through
I'm using you, my little decoy
Decoy ~ Paramore

I've been listening to this song a lot lately, and I've just realized lately how much I've been applying it to my own life. So many decoy friends. So many people who are in my life because I feel I need to keep them. So many friends who don't love me, who don't need me, and who don't want me, taking up time spent with the ones that fix every broken part of me. I'm done faking it. I'm going to get rid of all the fake friends in my life, the ones who aren't helping me get through what I'm going through.
---
Yesterday, my devos were on 'Promises Worth Waiting For'. I read about Abraham and his wife Sarah, and their desire for a child. But God made them wait. And when they took it into their own hands, He had to punish them for it. When we dive into things without God's okay, we open ourselves up to a whole new world of hurt that God never intended for us. He loves us and wants us to be happy, but He also wants us to trust His perfect intentions. I'm starting to learn that. It's slow going, but I have a friend who will never leave me for anyone else!
---
Today's devotions smacked me in the face too. Today's was about 'Letting Go Of The Familiar', which has been most of my problem over the last few weeks. I had this perfect little life all planned out, and then it collapsed underneath me. God's been calling me for weeks to let that life go, move on, follow Him, and all I can think of is harbouring hate and anger and resentment for the life that I once had. That's not what Christianity is about! I wear a WWJD bracelet ... it's time to start living that.

To the one who stole my pride: I forgive you. I don't want to. No, PART of me doesn't want to. But the rest of me, the much bigger part, realized that it's the best way to cleanse you out of my life. I need to move on, and let go of you. You're familiar, yes. But you're not good for me. You're good for someone, I'm sure. God has a plan for you, too. But right now, I feel that plan does not include me. I have been pushing myself into your life, disguising it as God's will. But it wasn't. In the end, the closer I was to you, the more pain and suffering I could cause. The further in your life I burrowed, the more I could destroy it. I was staying with you for the wrong reasons; and we BOTH deserve better than that. I'm out of energy, I'm out of justification, and, now, I'm out of your life.

Lover, don't act so surprised,
My little decoy so polite
Never saying never but
Drive the knife to every cut.

Dig it out, begin again
Finding ways to live, and then
Killing time, you're killing me
What did you not see in me?

Maybe I'll finish that one. Although, for those of you that know me ... I procrastinate a lot. So I probably won't. But that's alright :)

Here's hoping you guys are having a great day. I hope everything you're anticipating in life today becomes a little easier to wait for.

xme