Did you forget that I was even alive
Did you forget everything we ever had
Did you forget, did you forget, about me
Did you regret ever standing by my side
Did you forget what we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget about us
Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand
Never again, please don't forget, don't forget
We had it all, and we were just about to fall
Even more in love than we were before
I won't forget, no I won't forget about us
And at last, all the pictures have been burned
And the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget, please don't forget us
Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you can't sing along
Because you've forgotten about us.
Sometimes, people walk into the hurt they feel. But sometimes, the only reason they deserve hurt at all is that they gave too much, or they tried too hard. There are times in life when I find myself having to remember that, in the end, when I point a finger at someone, how many fingers are pointing back at me? I try to be slow to place blame. I try to resist temptations of judgment. But - shocker! - sometimes I fail. I'm human, sue me. I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be.
So here's what it comes down to - I've had to fake so much of myself over the last two years of my life. I didn't gauge my ears. I didn't wear my skate shoes with skinnies. I didn't pierce my lip or eyebrow, or get my tattoo. I gave up things I wanted for things I thought I wanted more.
But in the end, you should never have to be something you're not to be someone's perfect. The one you're meant to be with won't ever ask you to change, not the things that make you who you are. There's compromise, sure, but then there's changing your values. I took my purity ring off for a year, and that wasn't okay. It was something I stood for, I shouldn't have had to give that up for a guy. I shouldn't have had to fake it, every single time, and pretend I was still confident with who I was. I wasn't. I'm not. But I will be, because I'm someone's first choice!
In the end, readers, you've gotta do things that mean something to you - you've really got to get behind your actions. If you're not into what you're doing, if you don't feel it, you're not living. And I'm done not living - I want to fly!
Goodnight all, I had a great day watching Tim Burton films, cooking bacon, and eating brownies with Ariele - http://nerdwords-r-us.blogspot.com/ - and I am DEFINITELY tired. Stalk me on Facebook though, and I'll probably respond.
Also, thanks for bothering to read this. I've always said, if you ever want to know how I'm feeling, read my blog. It's not private, it's not secret, it's open and honest and real. I'm not going to hide anything from you guys, so feel free to read and comment at your will :)
xme
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I don't really know what to post on today.
Church again today. I aaaalmost didn't go. I wasn't feeling very enthusiastic about it, but I decided to go anyways. I kind of thought, if I get there and don't feel up to being there, I can leave. So I went. I didn't leave, and I really got a lot out of the message :)
The practical applications of the book of Jeremiah are so much more than I expected. Pastor Phillip spoke today on God's call to His chosen people. They were living in sin and had walked away from Him, but He was gracious enough to extend one last chance, Jeremiah, to them.
'This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.'
God gave them a final ultimatum, and His people ignored it. So, He told them, 'I am bringing disaster on this people, the fruit of their schemes, because they have not listened to my words and have rejected my law.' He gave them a chance to repent and redeem themselves, but when they refused, He had reached His limit. God sent the king of Babylon, a nation of other gods, to destroy Israel. They were God's chosen people, the ones He set apart in covenant. But He still tore them down when He was ignored. God doesn't take well to being ignored ... He'll allow things into your life to break you, just to bring you back to Him.
Alright, enough preaching now. I'm off to have some lunch now, and then after that I'm not sure. I believe the evening holds a few hours of Sandra time, which I'm going to say, I'm pretty pumped about. And tomorrow, Burtonstock '11 with Ariele (http://nerdwords-r-us.blogspot.com/ ), which. Seriously. An entire day of Tim Burton movies? You know you're jealous. Plus we're making breakfast ... don't worry, I'll have the fire department on speed dial >.<
Thanks again for sticking with me, readers. It's much appreciated. I enjoy your comments and responses to things I've talked about. Don't feel too shy about contacting me, I love feedback on my writing, both positive and negative.
SO. For now, I'm out. MY prayer for today is that God will be gracious to you this week ... what's yours?
xme
The practical applications of the book of Jeremiah are so much more than I expected. Pastor Phillip spoke today on God's call to His chosen people. They were living in sin and had walked away from Him, but He was gracious enough to extend one last chance, Jeremiah, to them.
'This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.'
God gave them a final ultimatum, and His people ignored it. So, He told them, 'I am bringing disaster on this people, the fruit of their schemes, because they have not listened to my words and have rejected my law.' He gave them a chance to repent and redeem themselves, but when they refused, He had reached His limit. God sent the king of Babylon, a nation of other gods, to destroy Israel. They were God's chosen people, the ones He set apart in covenant. But He still tore them down when He was ignored. God doesn't take well to being ignored ... He'll allow things into your life to break you, just to bring you back to Him.
Alright, enough preaching now. I'm off to have some lunch now, and then after that I'm not sure. I believe the evening holds a few hours of Sandra time, which I'm going to say, I'm pretty pumped about. And tomorrow, Burtonstock '11 with Ariele (http://nerdwords-r-us.blogspot.com/ ), which. Seriously. An entire day of Tim Burton movies? You know you're jealous. Plus we're making breakfast ... don't worry, I'll have the fire department on speed dial >.<
Thanks again for sticking with me, readers. It's much appreciated. I enjoy your comments and responses to things I've talked about. Don't feel too shy about contacting me, I love feedback on my writing, both positive and negative.
SO. For now, I'm out. MY prayer for today is that God will be gracious to you this week ... what's yours?
xme
Friday, February 4, 2011
Try to forget love, cause love's forgotten me ...
You've never been so used as I'm using you
Abusing you, my little decoy
Don't look so blue, you should have seen right through
I'm using you, my little decoy
Decoy ~ Paramore
I've been listening to this song a lot lately, and I've just realized lately how much I've been applying it to my own life. So many decoy friends. So many people who are in my life because I feel I need to keep them. So many friends who don't love me, who don't need me, and who don't want me, taking up time spent with the ones that fix every broken part of me. I'm done faking it. I'm going to get rid of all the fake friends in my life, the ones who aren't helping me get through what I'm going through.
---
Yesterday, my devos were on 'Promises Worth Waiting For'. I read about Abraham and his wife Sarah, and their desire for a child. But God made them wait. And when they took it into their own hands, He had to punish them for it. When we dive into things without God's okay, we open ourselves up to a whole new world of hurt that God never intended for us. He loves us and wants us to be happy, but He also wants us to trust His perfect intentions. I'm starting to learn that. It's slow going, but I have a friend who will never leave me for anyone else!
---
Today's devotions smacked me in the face too. Today's was about 'Letting Go Of The Familiar', which has been most of my problem over the last few weeks. I had this perfect little life all planned out, and then it collapsed underneath me. God's been calling me for weeks to let that life go, move on, follow Him, and all I can think of is harbouring hate and anger and resentment for the life that I once had. That's not what Christianity is about! I wear a WWJD bracelet ... it's time to start living that.
To the one who stole my pride: I forgive you. I don't want to. No, PART of me doesn't want to. But the rest of me, the much bigger part, realized that it's the best way to cleanse you out of my life. I need to move on, and let go of you. You're familiar, yes. But you're not good for me. You're good for someone, I'm sure. God has a plan for you, too. But right now, I feel that plan does not include me. I have been pushing myself into your life, disguising it as God's will. But it wasn't. In the end, the closer I was to you, the more pain and suffering I could cause. The further in your life I burrowed, the more I could destroy it. I was staying with you for the wrong reasons; and we BOTH deserve better than that. I'm out of energy, I'm out of justification, and, now, I'm out of your life.
Lover, don't act so surprised,
My little decoy so polite
Never saying never but
Drive the knife to every cut.
Dig it out, begin again
Finding ways to live, and then
Killing time, you're killing me
What did you not see in me?
Maybe I'll finish that one. Although, for those of you that know me ... I procrastinate a lot. So I probably won't. But that's alright :)
Here's hoping you guys are having a great day. I hope everything you're anticipating in life today becomes a little easier to wait for.
xme
Abusing you, my little decoy
Don't look so blue, you should have seen right through
I'm using you, my little decoy
Decoy ~ Paramore
I've been listening to this song a lot lately, and I've just realized lately how much I've been applying it to my own life. So many decoy friends. So many people who are in my life because I feel I need to keep them. So many friends who don't love me, who don't need me, and who don't want me, taking up time spent with the ones that fix every broken part of me. I'm done faking it. I'm going to get rid of all the fake friends in my life, the ones who aren't helping me get through what I'm going through.
---
Yesterday, my devos were on 'Promises Worth Waiting For'. I read about Abraham and his wife Sarah, and their desire for a child. But God made them wait. And when they took it into their own hands, He had to punish them for it. When we dive into things without God's okay, we open ourselves up to a whole new world of hurt that God never intended for us. He loves us and wants us to be happy, but He also wants us to trust His perfect intentions. I'm starting to learn that. It's slow going, but I have a friend who will never leave me for anyone else!
---
Today's devotions smacked me in the face too. Today's was about 'Letting Go Of The Familiar', which has been most of my problem over the last few weeks. I had this perfect little life all planned out, and then it collapsed underneath me. God's been calling me for weeks to let that life go, move on, follow Him, and all I can think of is harbouring hate and anger and resentment for the life that I once had. That's not what Christianity is about! I wear a WWJD bracelet ... it's time to start living that.
To the one who stole my pride: I forgive you. I don't want to. No, PART of me doesn't want to. But the rest of me, the much bigger part, realized that it's the best way to cleanse you out of my life. I need to move on, and let go of you. You're familiar, yes. But you're not good for me. You're good for someone, I'm sure. God has a plan for you, too. But right now, I feel that plan does not include me. I have been pushing myself into your life, disguising it as God's will. But it wasn't. In the end, the closer I was to you, the more pain and suffering I could cause. The further in your life I burrowed, the more I could destroy it. I was staying with you for the wrong reasons; and we BOTH deserve better than that. I'm out of energy, I'm out of justification, and, now, I'm out of your life.
Lover, don't act so surprised,
My little decoy so polite
Never saying never but
Drive the knife to every cut.
Dig it out, begin again
Finding ways to live, and then
Killing time, you're killing me
What did you not see in me?
Maybe I'll finish that one. Although, for those of you that know me ... I procrastinate a lot. So I probably won't. But that's alright :)
Here's hoping you guys are having a great day. I hope everything you're anticipating in life today becomes a little easier to wait for.
xme
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I'm gone.
These are all the things I'll never say to you, and you'll never read, so it's all the same if I post them here.
I hurt you more times than I can even remember.
I wanted the idea of you more than I wanted you.
I loved you all along.
I'm done making the effort for someone who doesn't want me.
I hope when you see me, it hurts you.
I hope when you see me, there is healing in you.
I hope when you see me, I don't see you.
Don't forget, it was through me that you became who you are today.
In time, I may be your friend, but only if you truly want me to be.
I am someone's FIRST choice. Not second, not third. FIRST.
I deserve better than this hurt.
I deserve every ounce of this hurt.
I hope you hurt like I do.
I hope you never feel like I do.
I'm better off without you.
I want you to admit you miss me.
I find it very freeing to be without you.
And even though you've already heard it, just in case you forgot:
I was fixed when you left.
Goodbye, for now, forever, for a time. I don't know. But what I do know, you're in the same place you were. But me? I'm gone.
xme
I hurt you more times than I can even remember.
I wanted the idea of you more than I wanted you.
I loved you all along.
I'm done making the effort for someone who doesn't want me.
I hope when you see me, it hurts you.
I hope when you see me, there is healing in you.
I hope when you see me, I don't see you.
Don't forget, it was through me that you became who you are today.
In time, I may be your friend, but only if you truly want me to be.
I am someone's FIRST choice. Not second, not third. FIRST.
I deserve better than this hurt.
I deserve every ounce of this hurt.
I hope you hurt like I do.
I hope you never feel like I do.
I'm better off without you.
I want you to admit you miss me.
I find it very freeing to be without you.
And even though you've already heard it, just in case you forgot:
I was fixed when you left.
Goodbye, for now, forever, for a time. I don't know. But what I do know, you're in the same place you were. But me? I'm gone.
xme
Monday, January 31, 2011
I was spoiled yesterday.
I had a great day yesterday, thanks to some amazing people in my life.
Church was wonderful, I'm very glad I went. I attended with my friend and his girlfriend - she hasn't been to church in 5 years! Praise God for that. I am very interested to see how God leads them in their faith together. It was good news to hear that they are attending a college and career group to discover where God wants them in the world. Please pray with me for them in their new relationship :)
After church, I ate lunch - small victory in itself! - and then went over to a Jenessa's place for the afternoon. Her and Tony have been so very instrumental in my life lately, so supportive and loving and compassionate. Just really restoring my faith in people. Plus they have a suuuuuper cute baby. Gotta love babies that make you want to have babies :)
So after hoarding Jenessa forEVER ... okay, not QUITE forever, but a very long time, anyways. Two until, what, ten? Surprised they don't kick me out, but in the end we're all like, 'well, I guess we should go our separate ways now ...' Those are the best friends to spend time with. The ones that make you forget what time it is and how long you've been with them.
Then, coming home to the apartment was so nice. There was some unexpected company waiting for me in the form of Tylerr and Paul. And after fighting with Paul on the food front, Cori and I eventually gave in and let him buy us foods. But that battle isn't over yet, though.
So all in all, aside from the fact that my feet were killing me for the first half of the day - thank you Tony for alleviating that! - I had a good day. No, I had a great day. And I'm hoping to have a few more this week :)
I am starting to realize who my real friends are, who are the ones that care, and who are the ones that don't want me in their lives, no matter how much they say they do. I mean, in the end, you can tell me you want me there, you miss me, you need me in your life, but if you don't prove it? I'm gone. I'm not being a bitch, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but anyone who says they care should show it. And to be honest, it's not hard to show me you care. I'm a sucker for the little things - hugs, spontaneous floor picnics, foot rubs. I'm a sucker for flowers, too. Not even like, a whole bouquet even. One time, I'd had a fight with my then boyfriend, and he brought me a rose at work. It wasn't an expensive gift, a few dollars, really, but it was thoughtful. I miss that thoughtfulness behind gifts. Too bad I've only gotten flowers half a dozen times in my life :P
'You know what I hate? People who don't get hints.' Ah man, I just remembered that. And it DOES irritate me. I choose my words very carefully (most times). So when I carefully select a word to use, and the intention is missed? Very frustrating. That's why I sometimes can't believe I've spent as much time around some people in my life as I have. I'm all about words. Just fyi.
Oooookay, this entry's getting stupid long. Friday and Saturday were nights of extreme discomfort for me, and being dragged out of my comfort zone, but I loved every second of it. I'm becoming new. Stick with me, I'll let you know how it goes :)
P.S. Lie of the day today is: 'If someone is hurting I feel obligated to help them out, or at least comfort them in someway.'
xme
Church was wonderful, I'm very glad I went. I attended with my friend and his girlfriend - she hasn't been to church in 5 years! Praise God for that. I am very interested to see how God leads them in their faith together. It was good news to hear that they are attending a college and career group to discover where God wants them in the world. Please pray with me for them in their new relationship :)
After church, I ate lunch - small victory in itself! - and then went over to a Jenessa's place for the afternoon. Her and Tony have been so very instrumental in my life lately, so supportive and loving and compassionate. Just really restoring my faith in people. Plus they have a suuuuuper cute baby. Gotta love babies that make you want to have babies :)
So after hoarding Jenessa forEVER ... okay, not QUITE forever, but a very long time, anyways. Two until, what, ten? Surprised they don't kick me out, but in the end we're all like, 'well, I guess we should go our separate ways now ...' Those are the best friends to spend time with. The ones that make you forget what time it is and how long you've been with them.
Then, coming home to the apartment was so nice. There was some unexpected company waiting for me in the form of Tylerr and Paul. And after fighting with Paul on the food front, Cori and I eventually gave in and let him buy us foods. But that battle isn't over yet, though.
So all in all, aside from the fact that my feet were killing me for the first half of the day - thank you Tony for alleviating that! - I had a good day. No, I had a great day. And I'm hoping to have a few more this week :)
I am starting to realize who my real friends are, who are the ones that care, and who are the ones that don't want me in their lives, no matter how much they say they do. I mean, in the end, you can tell me you want me there, you miss me, you need me in your life, but if you don't prove it? I'm gone. I'm not being a bitch, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but anyone who says they care should show it. And to be honest, it's not hard to show me you care. I'm a sucker for the little things - hugs, spontaneous floor picnics, foot rubs. I'm a sucker for flowers, too. Not even like, a whole bouquet even. One time, I'd had a fight with my then boyfriend, and he brought me a rose at work. It wasn't an expensive gift, a few dollars, really, but it was thoughtful. I miss that thoughtfulness behind gifts. Too bad I've only gotten flowers half a dozen times in my life :P
'You know what I hate? People who don't get hints.' Ah man, I just remembered that. And it DOES irritate me. I choose my words very carefully (most times). So when I carefully select a word to use, and the intention is missed? Very frustrating. That's why I sometimes can't believe I've spent as much time around some people in my life as I have. I'm all about words. Just fyi.
Oooookay, this entry's getting stupid long. Friday and Saturday were nights of extreme discomfort for me, and being dragged out of my comfort zone, but I loved every second of it. I'm becoming new. Stick with me, I'll let you know how it goes :)
P.S. Lie of the day today is: 'If someone is hurting I feel obligated to help them out, or at least comfort them in someway.'
xme
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Complacency
I've been issued a challenge.
Went to church this morning, it was a really good message. It didn't punch my face off like some sermons do, but it was a soft reminder. The pastor spoke on Jermiah, who was called by God to deliver a message of judgment and grace to the nations. Not that Jermiah wanted to, but God called him, promising His faithfulness in Jerimiah's life.
'They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.'
That's a big promise. And although God was promising this specific promise to Jerimiah, there are dozens upon dozens of examples of God promising the very same things to us. So why do we sit back and become complacent? Why do we become boring, lackluster followers, just because we haven't seen a giant miracle in a while? I think we need more people like Jerimiah in the world, who call us out on our routines and stagnant faiths. I think it's time we shake our world up a little.
Pray for me, I am feeling spiritually and emotionally exhausted.
xme
Went to church this morning, it was a really good message. It didn't punch my face off like some sermons do, but it was a soft reminder. The pastor spoke on Jermiah, who was called by God to deliver a message of judgment and grace to the nations. Not that Jermiah wanted to, but God called him, promising His faithfulness in Jerimiah's life.
'They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.'
That's a big promise. And although God was promising this specific promise to Jerimiah, there are dozens upon dozens of examples of God promising the very same things to us. So why do we sit back and become complacent? Why do we become boring, lackluster followers, just because we haven't seen a giant miracle in a while? I think we need more people like Jerimiah in the world, who call us out on our routines and stagnant faiths. I think it's time we shake our world up a little.
Pray for me, I am feeling spiritually and emotionally exhausted.
xme
Friday, January 28, 2011
For He cares what happens to you
I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down, and I can't do this alone
Stay with me
This is what I need, please
Today was my crash day. It had been a few days since I had let the emotions through - Cried for the first time in almost a week. It felt very good and very bad at the same time, if that makes sense.
But it's Thursday, which means new Ray William Johnson, yes, but it also means I'm almost through another week. God provides! He offers small things to us in our time of need to make things a little more bearable. A smile. A new friend. A bowl of orange Jell-O. A cute video game character? Okay, well I'm not sure on that one. But my roommate is playing Twilight Princess and Link is sosososo pretty :)
I don't have much else to say ... Hoping to feel a little better tomorrow when I wake up, so maybe I can have a productive day. And then supper plans, and an evening at the Bunker perhaps.
I'm almost falling asleep writing this. I promise I'll be posting poetry again soonish, I've just hit a bit of a wall when it comes to finishing some of my work. It happens :)
Thanks for stopping by :)
xme
That I've fallen down, and I can't do this alone
Stay with me
This is what I need, please
Today was my crash day. It had been a few days since I had let the emotions through - Cried for the first time in almost a week. It felt very good and very bad at the same time, if that makes sense.
But it's Thursday, which means new Ray William Johnson, yes, but it also means I'm almost through another week. God provides! He offers small things to us in our time of need to make things a little more bearable. A smile. A new friend. A bowl of orange Jell-O. A cute video game character? Okay, well I'm not sure on that one. But my roommate is playing Twilight Princess and Link is sosososo pretty :)
I don't have much else to say ... Hoping to feel a little better tomorrow when I wake up, so maybe I can have a productive day. And then supper plans, and an evening at the Bunker perhaps.
I'm almost falling asleep writing this. I promise I'll be posting poetry again soonish, I've just hit a bit of a wall when it comes to finishing some of my work. It happens :)
Thanks for stopping by :)
xme
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
My life is awesome.
Okay, so this is how it went:
Paul: Come on, just try it.
Me: No! I'm not convinced yet.
Paul: *pouts*
Me: You've already pouted enough, it doesn't work anymore. You want me to give in? Get Tony to pout at me. He's got a tough pouty face.
Paul: *sighs* Okay. *dials Tony*
Me: *LOLS*
Paul: *finishes phone call* Alright, I'll be right back.
Me: *facepalm*
Paul: *returns with Tony*
Tony: Come on, Manda. Just ... do it. It's not that bad.
Me: No! I'm sticking to this!
Tony: *pouts*
Me: D'aaaaaw ^.^ ...
Tony: *continues pouting*
Paul: *pouts also*
Me: FINE! I'LL DO IT!
Tony: *engulfs me in a hug*
Paul: Welcome to World of Warcraft!
Soooo. I've just agreed to start playing WoW. Great. Goodbye social life. OHWAIT. Most of my social life already involves hanging out with people that play WoW ... Yay ... ?
Alright kids. Nothing more to post today, besides the awesomeness that just ensued. Also, if you pray, please pray for my friend, who is going through a very life changing time now. Thank you!
xme
Paul: Come on, just try it.
Me: No! I'm not convinced yet.
Paul: *pouts*
Me: You've already pouted enough, it doesn't work anymore. You want me to give in? Get Tony to pout at me. He's got a tough pouty face.
Paul: *sighs* Okay. *dials Tony*
Me: *LOLS*
Paul: *finishes phone call* Alright, I'll be right back.
Me: *facepalm*
Paul: *returns with Tony*
Tony: Come on, Manda. Just ... do it. It's not that bad.
Me: No! I'm sticking to this!
Tony: *pouts*
Me: D'aaaaaw ^.^ ...
Tony: *continues pouting*
Paul: *pouts also*
Me: FINE! I'LL DO IT!
Tony: *engulfs me in a hug*
Paul: Welcome to World of Warcraft!
Soooo. I've just agreed to start playing WoW. Great. Goodbye social life. OHWAIT. Most of my social life already involves hanging out with people that play WoW ... Yay ... ?
Alright kids. Nothing more to post today, besides the awesomeness that just ensued. Also, if you pray, please pray for my friend, who is going through a very life changing time now. Thank you!
xme
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Patience, my child
This is what I am being tested on: my incapacity for patience. Waiting for healing, waiting for strength, waiting for my knight in shining armour. I'm not good at patience, and that is why I am needing so much lately ... I am being tested.
I am constantly being dragged back to Ecclesiastes 3:
(1) There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: (2) a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, (3) a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, (4) a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, (5) a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, (6) a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, (7) a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, (8) a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. (11) He has made everything beautiful in it's time.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 11, NIV
This has always been one of my favorite passages. There is a time for EVERYTHING. There is not just a time to be good and another time to be good. There's a time for the good AND the bad. For suffering and healing, for hurting, for battles with self and society, for comfort, for growth. It's opened my eyes and reminded me that this life I'm living, yeah, it's a mess right now. I'm lost and most days, I feel like I'm wandering around blindly, but the Maker has a plan for me and my broken little existence.
Doesn't always make the hard days easier though. And after a few good days in a row, I knew the crash was coming. So if you see me today, and I look a little down? It's because my God has been gracious enough to give me three emotionally good days in a row. So if you see me today, please smile at me. I need a little brightness today.
Again, as always, thanks so much for reading, readers. It really means the world that you care.
xme
PS. WHILE WE'RE ON THE TOPIC OF PATIENCE. I am struggling greatly with my anticipation of February 6th. What is February 6th? Glee returns <3
I am constantly being dragged back to Ecclesiastes 3:
(1) There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: (2) a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, (3) a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, (4) a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, (5) a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, (6) a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, (7) a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, (8) a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. (11) He has made everything beautiful in it's time.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 11, NIV
This has always been one of my favorite passages. There is a time for EVERYTHING. There is not just a time to be good and another time to be good. There's a time for the good AND the bad. For suffering and healing, for hurting, for battles with self and society, for comfort, for growth. It's opened my eyes and reminded me that this life I'm living, yeah, it's a mess right now. I'm lost and most days, I feel like I'm wandering around blindly, but the Maker has a plan for me and my broken little existence.
Doesn't always make the hard days easier though. And after a few good days in a row, I knew the crash was coming. So if you see me today, and I look a little down? It's because my God has been gracious enough to give me three emotionally good days in a row. So if you see me today, please smile at me. I need a little brightness today.
Again, as always, thanks so much for reading, readers. It really means the world that you care.
xme
PS. WHILE WE'RE ON THE TOPIC OF PATIENCE. I am struggling greatly with my anticipation of February 6th. What is February 6th? Glee returns <3
Monday, January 24, 2011
On Betrayal
Cut me deep
Toss me out
I'll survive
This loveless drought.
Cast me off
Draw me in
I'll forgive
Your little sin.
Fall apart
Let me down
Only smile
Never frown.
You're a fake
I'm for real
Showing what
I really feel.
You're alone
I'm alive
Please, my God
Help me survive.
Toss me out
I'll survive
This loveless drought.
Cast me off
Draw me in
I'll forgive
Your little sin.
Fall apart
Let me down
Only smile
Never frown.
You're a fake
I'm for real
Showing what
I really feel.
You're alone
I'm alive
Please, my God
Help me survive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
