iiiit's Sunday.

Yep, just another lazy Sunday afternoon and I'm stalking Youtube. I'd like to say I've got nothing better to do but I should probably be doing dishes or something. Whatever. I'm tired. Last week was long, but this next week will be even longer. I'm 18, and I've taken a second job. Wtf.

SPEAKING OF WTF. I came across a video of Lady Gaga doing Paparazzi on the piano. It was the wierdest thing I've seen in a while. Hmm.

I need a shower. My hair is ... suspicious looking. I'm sort of bleh today. I'm going out later though, so I should probably take care of the shower sitch now. I don't even know what time it is. My dad's watching NASCAR so it must be between noon and three. Phone says 1:47. Deal. I'm off then, shower time.

Peace/ecaeP, because I don't discriminate against the dyslexic.

I effing hate Truth or Dare ...

... particularly when I pick dare. Thank you very much, Mel Beakley. For the next day I have to replace 's' in my vocabulary with 'z'.

It'z really not az eazy az it zoundz. I've already been doing it for a day and it'z ZO hard. Which may be what zhe zaid. ZEE!? It'z annoying! Ergh. Like LOLCATZ or zomething. Whatever. Regardlezz.

Firzt day of work today, and wow. What a learning curve. I mean, I really think I'm going to enjoy it, but zeriouzly? It was rough. Pretty challenging, actually. There'z a lot of thingz to remember :/ But everyone I work with zeemz lovely, and there'z zome quite amuzing regularz that I have a feeling will be quite entertaining. Zo. All in all? The day was a giant zuccezz.

Pluz my boyfriend left a ztop zign with a REALLY cute note on the hood of my van thiz evening, even after we had a bit of a fight. It waz zo zweet. And the note? In Latin. No big deal. Yeah, he knowz Latin. Incredibly attractive? OH YEAH.

If you're waiting for poetry, or a zong, I'm zorry, but thiz iz juzt a normal pozt. Well. Except for all the extra z's. I juzt felt a little bloggy today. Off to bed zoon though, I'm tired.

Peace!

This song is not finished.

I watched your face fall as you said goodbye for a little while
I'd give anything to hear your laugh, or see your pretty smile
The funny thing is I don't mind that you're so far away
Cause I know you dream about home when you're sleeping

And I, I guess I'm not ready to let you go
I don't want to say goodbye

If you have to leave again,
Would you please take a piece of my heart when you go?
Could you forget me then?
You see, I've got to be sure that you always know
I'll count the days you're gone, and I'll be
Waiting when you come home.

* * * * *

Today, while I was driving home from my grandparent's place, I saw a giant green bus, just like the one the Choir travelled in. I had to pull over to collect myself enough to keep driving, and dig out Kleenex to wipe my streaming eyes.

I am a suck.

BUT I GOT A JOB :D

Waitressing, at a little bookstore cafe in Morden. Part time, but I have one more interview next week for a second part time job, so hopefully I'll get that one too!

Kthnx :]

It was the summer of my life ♥

{Posting twice in one day is strange for me ...}

Dear Summer '09;

As you're drawing to a close, I figured I would take the opportunity to say some things that I feel need to be said ...

First of all, thank you. You gave me my wings, and taught me how to fly on my own. I've never had the freedom and independence that I had with you, and I've never grown as much as I have over the last two months. I've learned so much - water balloons and traffic don't mix, for example. I've made new friends and developed closer and deeper relationships with some I already had. There's been some rough patches, yes, but I think that's part of the process, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Secondly, I will never forget you, ever. You gave me so many new memories that I can't even begin to describe all of them to you. I took a chance, and was brave in the face of new experiences - even though I felt I wasn't good enough to begin with. I stayed out until morning broke, and subsequently witnessed the beauty of a sunrise from several new perspectives. I made my own choices - some good and some bad - and I dealt with the consequences. I know it's been difficult, but thanks for seeing me through.

And last, but certainly not least, I will miss you dearly. I never want to let you go. The late nights and early mornings, the suntanning, the parties, the thunder and lightning, the drinks, the songs, the fights, the tears, the mistakes and the triumphs. The give and take, the loss and gain. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and probably the worst too, but I've never been so happy.

Thank you, a million times thank you.
Manda Enns

So much for the lights show.

I am. SO in love with Silversun Pickups right now. Nooo big deal.

BUT ANYWAYS. I got back from camping a few hours ago, had a bit of a nap (epic), and now I suppose I'm ready to get on with my life.

Oh wait, no, I'm actually not.

IN FACT. I'm even LESS ready to get on with my life now than I was before I went camping. A weekend out in the bush being carefree and irresponsible was the most amazing thing I've experienced in a long time, and I desperately didn't want it to end. Laying by the lake for hours, sitting around the fire, driving to town for Jones ... why does summer have to have an end at all?

We're here and we're now and we're all together
So let's make this last forever

I'm tired of things ending, things that I WANT to last forever. Of everyone going away. I sort of feel lately like I'm missing out or being left behind or something. It's like ... everyone has a different life now that school's starting again, and somehow I don't fit into it anymore. Like, all the time I've given everyone is just in the past now, and I have to deal with that, whether I like it or not. I didn't think it would hurt this much to see everyone leave, but it's, honestly, the most painful experience of my life.

Ashley, we're done for if we don't stick together.

Wrong again.

I've never loved a person quite so much as I love you
But I'm so far from perfect, and there's nothing I can do
I'd give my breath to make you smile, or brighten up your day
You're beautiful, inside and out, in every single way.

Everything about you makes my heart feel light as air
You want your bliss? Well I'd give anything to take you there.

At times, I'm sane and wonder why I waste my time on you
I think that maybe this time I can tell you that I'm through
Done with the abuse and all the times you didn't care
The times I let you use me and I faked like it was fair.

Maybe I'll be strong enough to break your hold on me
Maybe I can run away, maybe I'll be free
But then you take me in again, my courage starts to break
I give in to your piercing eyes, and the 'love' I know you fake.

The twisted part about this is I know what you're about
I know your game, I've played it, and I thought that I was out
Then I met you and I realized that all I want is in
I want you to destroy me, and I want you to win.

I want you to take from me all I have to give
Because then if you walk away, I know at least you'll live
Becayse maybe if I let you hurt me, you could - one day - see
The only think you'd ever want, or need, or love ... is me.

[It's not 11:11, but if it was, I'd wish for you ...
Like I do every single time.]

The Opportunity

Some nights when we talk
I'll pick a fight about nothing
Just to see if you still care.
Pick up the phone
And let you scream back at me
So I know that you're still there.

What happened between us?
And now where do we go from here?

I'm done with running in circles to please you
I'm tired of hoping that you're gonna call
Can't hold on much longer, you're just gonna hate me
There's no chance you'll run to me now when you fall
I'm still holding on to what used to be
And I'm waiting for you to say no to me ...
So here's the opportunity.

You made up your mind
I'm not the girl you thought I was
So you walked out of my life.
I don't get a choice?
Not that I'd choose for you to stay
But a say would have been nice.

You loved me, I'm sorry.
But maybe I loved you too.

I'm done with running in circles to please you
I'm tired of hoping that you're gonna call
Can't hold on much longer, you're just gonna hate me
There's no chance you'll run to me now when you fall
I'm still holding on to what used to be
And I'm waiting for you to say no to me ...
So here's the opportunity.

I didn't know what you were all about
I didn't think that you would walk away so soon
I guess you never even really cared
Don't lie
Say no to me.

I'd give you my heart
But I know it's not enough.

Screwed up relationships keep working when perfect ones explode ...

Once upon a time, there was this girl, who wasn't like most girls her age. She loved music, and being different, but nobody really understood her. She didn't really like herself very much because she thought there was something wrong with her. She felt so alone.

Then she met a boy that completely changed her life.

He was funny, and could ALWAYS make her laugh. He understood her stupid sense of humour, and even laughed at some of her jokes. He was compassionate and accepting to her, which scared her at first because she wasn't used to that. But he trusted her, and she soon learned how to trust him too. He shared his life with her, they talked about everything - music, friends, guitars, clothing. They almost never ran out of things to say. He was always there when she needed to talk, and he ALWAYS made her feel good enough. During some of the hardest times of her life, he was there for her, helping her through it all. He was always on her side, even when her side maybe wasn't the best side to be on. But out of all the wonderful things he did for her, there was one that stood out the most: he taught her how to love, and feel love in return.

You see, love isn't what the say it is. It's not starry eyes and roses. It's NOT a silly little moment. Those are parts of love, responses to it, but love is - fundamentally - so much more.

She learned that love was talking until 3 am and not running out of things to say. She learned that love didn't mean they had to date, or 'like' each other. Love meant falling asleep texting, or standing in a lighting storm for three hours. Love was singing duets and recording them at midnight in his basement. Love meant disagreeing, and sometimes fighting, but always knowing they cared enough to even fight at all. Love puts up with faults, and forgives mistakes. Love doesn't quit.

They've been friends for three years now. They've grown - together AND seperately. They've changed. Their love has changed too. But he's still the only one she can go to with bed head and morning breath, wearing pajamas and no makeup and feel as comfortable and beautiful as if she'd spent 6 hours to look perfect.

He's going off to university now, and she needs him to know she'd die if he ever forgot her. The future's not certain for either of them, and she's scared. But she knows she can face it as long as he's on her side, and she hopes he feels the same way, because if he doesn't, she's just made an idiot of herself by writing this letter.

(And she REALLY doesn't need help in that area.)

I don't think I ever want to win the Nervous Game against you. Please be my friend forever?

Manda <3