Quiet Room

Somewhere, in the deepest depths of Me
There is a sound
The sound of Silence
The sound of a million words never spoken
A thousand sorrows never mourned
A hundred melodies never sung.

The sound of a heart breaking
The sound of a life living
The sound of a fear dying
Or seeing the light of day once more.

The sound of all the rights
And of the wrongs too.

The achievements
The failures.

There is the sound of happiness
And of misery.

The sound of apprehension
And of comfort.

The sound of the dark
And of the light.

Of trust and mistrust
Of faith and disbelief
Of truth and deceit
Of strength and weakness
Of perfection and vice.

This is the sound of Silence
This is the power of a quiet room.

Memories

The raddest History class
EVER
Awkward dictionary
Awkward turtle
Garbage bag children
Your fruit-challenged brother
Fix You, on repeat
The Game
Spare
Peace out, A-Town
Creepy best friends in elementary
Your mom's pancakes
That's what she said
Wearing our hearts on our sleeves
Trying on EVERY DRESS ... and buying none
The cute emo boy with the bass guitar
AND the checkered shirt
AND the hot voice
A mallet used to kill fish, when spent
Skipping
Making dresses
Unexpected sleepover
HOT GUYS!? WHERE??
Random hugs
One by One
Cake in a bathroom
Boy drama
The curb that got in the way
And a yellow stop sign
Van banquets
That's an interesting way to carry on a conversation

I love you.
Enough said.

And if I don't make it,
Know that I've loved you all along
4 a.m. ~ Our Lady Peace

Seven Years

You left too soon
I didn't even get to say goodbye to you
And now I'm left
With only the few pictures that remain
I should have taken more
When I had the time

You're not here
But can you hear me?
The call that shattered my world
Was the voice that called you home
And now I'm left to hurt
How can I face this world alone?

In my hear, there is an empty space with your name on it that will never again be filled. It is because you're gone, and you're not coming back. I miss you, like I've never missed anything before in my life. I wish you'd never left.

You should be here right now, sharing these last months with us. Choosing a beautiful dress, stressing over a boy, and gossiping about last weekend's party, or the newest couple in the ninth grade. You should have gotten your 18th birthday. You should have made it to the high school. You should have seen the teachers with their shaved heads. I wish you were still here.

Time was stolen from you, and I can't get it back. No matter how hard I try. And it's not fair. I miss you a lot.

No title for this one either

I do not like leaving you. Each time I am required to, there is a struggle within myself to stay. To sit with you, talk with you, breathe with you. I just want to be with you. I feel as if a part of me stays with you, even when we are not together. As if, somehow, we are connected. We've been through much together, you and I. We have laughed. We have cried. We have fought, and reconciled. We have grown, and closer.

If I had a million words on a million pages to describe how much I love you, I'd run out, and you'd be left with an empty, shallow, pathetic fraction of how much I care about you. I don't always know the right words to say, but I know I love you, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what, until the stars fall like rain and there are no more tomorrows left <3

I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the pull of your heart
I miss the still of the Silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
Come On, Get Higher ~ Matt Nathansen

I kinda hope we're friends forever :)

Tweenbots!

Go to this site, read the description, watch the video, and tell me it's not the cutest thing you've ever seen. I dare you. It's so friggin adorable. It's the most beautiful thing, my heart is hurting from cuteness.

http://www.tweenbots.com/

To the nine weekends that saved my life.

As a shy and uneducated 15 year old, I walk through the doors anticipating defeat. Nerves overwhelm me and I am barely able to speak. A few long and agonizing weeks later, I receive the news: it was good enough. I was good enough.

I restlessly prepare for weeks beforehand. Packing and unpacking. Deliberating on who I want to be. What I want others to see me as, and how to make them see me that way. Never quite right, but as right as I can get it.

Long drive. Good supper. Long drive. So afraid I could hardly breathe. No expectations. I don't even know if I want to be there. Confused. Frightened. Broken home, broken heart. Broken faith in self. Resisting the urge to slink away into the depths of my safe little bubble of darkness. Le others undergo judgment, just not me. Please God, not me.

Familiar faces. I breathe again. I am not completely alone in my fears, there are others with the same apprehensions. We sit together, stay together, none expressing anxieties, but all understanding them. Observing the more experienced and wondering how they could possibly appear so at ease when they are clearly as uncomfortable and anxious as we. They can't be that happy ... can they?

Until one approaches. Then another. Then yet another. And soon, arriving isn't as scary as it once was. Arriving has become my shelter, my saving grace, my redemption. And as time moves slowly on in its weary march, these strange new colleagues I've discovered become less and less frightening. I become accustomed to them. I begin to enjoy their company. And in time, a sentiment I swore I would never again allow: I trust them.

We connect. We relate to each other. These new friends and I, we are all going through the same journey, though some of us are at different point. Some are new, as I was in the beginning. Some have yet to discover the all-encompassing love and acceptance. Others have seen it, and are back to build on it. And yet other's hearts are shattering, knowing that their time in this family is shortly coming to an end.

As I return, time after time, I find myself falling deeper into the soft blanket of salvation. I notice the darkness dissipate from the hidden niches of my life. These friends have invaded all the corners of my heart and purged them of all negativity. I am a new creation.

To the nine weekends that saved my life.

18

Perhaps I will, perhaps I won't
Cross my heart and pray I don't
But if I die before I wake
Please God, repair the hearts I break.

When you sleep in slumbers deep
You don't see the tears I weep
A thousand roses, one for each,
Would not portray my sorrow's reach.

People come and people go
But angels never leave, you know
We both forsee the darkness near
So tell me ... why are you still here?

God forbid I shed these tears
For all the pain of wasted years
Grant me peace and rest this night
And let me see the morning's light.

Naaaaameless

Life is many a curious thing. It's never the same, but it only changes when you least expect it to. You can try to control it, you can try to direct it, but in the end, not one of us can. Life is not for human comprehension. It is for all the angelic beings in the heavens above to bless and direct as they wish, and for the terrible monsters in the depths of Hell to manipulate and twist as much as they can.

{Choose your weapon}

Sometimes Life throws events at us that, in hindsight, leave us wondering how we ever could have possibly survived without them. Other times, however, Life leads us to circumstances that we so no possible way through.

{I have a bad feeling about this}

Life is a journey of opposites. Life is an expression of self, through the creation of the Divine and His will for us. Life is not made for us to understand, but rather for us to ponder. Life was given, and may be taken away. Life was created and can be destroyed. Life is short, but will seem long.

{Living is the leading cause of dying}

Dear Manda;

Here are a few things I think you should know:

Money buys things. If you have enough money, you live. If you don't have enough money, you survive. And if you have too much money, people steal it.

Friends are not expendable. You need them. They need you. Yes, you'll fight, but 15 minutes after you call her a terrible friend, you'll realize she's one of the best things in your life. So apologize. Don't call her a terrible friend anymore. And put up with her flaws, because you've got some too.

No matter how much or how little eyeliner you wear, it will NOT make you popular. And even though you spend your entire life trying to explain to people that that's not why you wear it, they won't listen. And they'll call you a poser. Just like if you wear tight pants and dye your hair black. They're the posers. They don't understand that people actually do things for reasons other than looking cool. So keep doing what you want for whatever reasons you want and ignore them because they're useless.

Some people annoy you on occasion. Some people annoy you on frequent occasion. This is no excuse to hurt them. They are still people, no matter how much they follow you or how many stupid questions they ask. God still loves them. You should try it.

Long thick hair is the spawn of Satan.

Finding friends in unexpected places is magical. Those people you randomly hung out with one day? They're cool too. Don't give in to the pressure of staying in your own group of friends. Step out of your comfort zone, and you'll have much more fun in life.

Food prepared by genuinely nice old ladies will always fix a broken heart. No matter who broke it or how.

Making lists is the best way to arrange your thoughts in the order of when you think of them. It is not necessary for there to be significance in the order in which you place them, but parents, teachers, and other adulty-type people are more likely to give you things if you at least attempt to look organized (and trust me, they rarely find out you aren't).

Your opinions are just fine. You don't have to change them for anyone else if youdon't want to. People who change their mind because other people say so are called conformists. And although they seem to be the most popilar right now, they'll grow up to be a grand total of nothing special, because they're spineless. You might think you want to be one of them, but you're wrong.

Randomly bursting into song is only allowed in movies. People look at you strange if you do it too often. You want to avoid this.

Making people laugh is the most wonderful thing you can do. Better than buying them something, better than compliments, better than giving advice. Sometimes all someone needs is a little humour in their life to put it all in perspective.

Emo boys are hot. Period.

Some girls will think you are strange for thinking emo boys are hot. They have clearly not met an emo boy.

Chuck Norris jokes are always funny. Even when you're heard them a thousand times, you are still laughing - at least on the inside - when you hear them.

Song lyrics never exactly explain your life unless you write them yourself. And writing songs isn't lame. It's creative. People who think writing songs is lame are mindless MTV zombies with no backbone. They also quite possibly buy their personalities at American Eagle, or a store of the like.

Homework and Water do not mix nicely. Water has a never-ending vendetta against Homework, and when the two meet, Water wins.

'42' is basically the universal answer to any question life can throw at you. However, if this should fail, you can try 'possibly', 'in a minute', 'mac and cheese', or 'I just lost the Game'. These five answers will conquer awkward silences in almost any conversation, and more often than not, will actually revive it (just don't use any of these in response to inquiries of a serious nature).

I wish I had learned this sooner. But now's your chance to learn from my mistakes, and be better than I've been. Grow. Believe. Love many, trust few. Choose your battles wisely. You know I've always got your back.

Love forever,
Manda

On Life

Dreams are just memories
That haven't come to pass.

Stop to smell the roses
Smile
Do a crazy dance
Compliment someone
Skip down a hallway
Create
Hold the hand of someone you love
Mismatch your socks
Play in a cardboard box
Leave a note on someone's pillow
Coat your room in chalkboard paint
Recycle
Listen to a band you don't like for a change
Line your sock drawer with wrapping paper
Paint your face
High-five yourself in public
Draw
Make a t-shirt with your name on it
Write your future kids a letter
Mail your Christmas cards in July
Imagine
Be noisesome
Make a playlist of all the songs you love
Send someone a thoughtful text
Light a candle for someone you miss
Cry
Take a shower with all your clothes on
Give yourself a good talking to
See how many clors you can get into one outfit
Explore
Play Scrabble and be all the players
Do something you love each day.

Yesterday is the past; tomorrow is the future.
Today is a gift, that's what they call it 'the present'.